Dumping eHarmony

After six long and uneventful months, I've made the heart-wrenching decision to dump eHarmony.

Sorry, babe. It's not about you. It's the Compatibility Matching System.

When I joined last September, I dutifully filled out the 500-question survey, which told me I'm a good friend who likes to be supportive of others, but that some find me undemonstrative and self- controlled. "Because of my lenient and complacent nature," people sometimes take advantage of me. My desire for safety around the house suggested I'd want fire detectors and a security system. I love "peace and harmony," it said.

All true, to a certain extent. But what I want most is a decent boyfriend.

In six months, I went on two dates. Two! The men were pleasant, and I was compatible enough with one of them. Unfortunately, I got the old "I'll call you" line and never heard from him again.

I also corresponded with dozens of men. Unfortunately, eHarmony gives you four or more opportunities to back out. In most cases, you must ask and answer many questions before even communicating with someone. Sometimes that deliberateness was useful; often, it just gives men more excuses to exclude someone who might be a good match.

So last week I dumped eHarmony and called my dependable backup, match.com.

Match.com and I have always had a harmonious relationship. Match helped me meet my last boyfriend, whom I dated for three years. Before him, I made several other friends through Match.com.

But match.com is also letting me down. A few days I ago it matched me with a 25-year-old African-American man who wrote, "I like a mature woman and I love the black-on-white thing." Wow, how romantic. I had a backup, though, a 29-year-old who wrote that he loved his dog. But when I called him, he kept me on the line for five minutes while he had an animated exchange with his sister. After explaining that he lived with his parents and the dog actually belonged to them, he asked if he could call me back. "My credit card company's on the phone," he said flatly. "I'm trying to get them to extend my credit so I can buy a laptop." As my friend Amy observed, I hit the jackpot: a guy living at home, who uses a pet to get dates and who has bad credit.