Eau de Bacon

With baseball in full swing and the TV season almost at its end, I'm spending more than my fair share of time parked in front of the television. Yesterday I saw two commercials within 10 minutes that promoted the virtues of bacon.

The first, for Taco Bell's bacon club chalupa, shows a lovely blonde and brunette in a bar. The brunette has tucked a bacon club chalupa into her tiny handbag. "Guys love bacon," she says. The blonde doesn't believe the bacon will attract men, but as soon as the brunette opens her purse, three hot guys make a beeline for them. "What is that you're wearing?" one man asks. Sniff, sniff, noses in the air. "It's...intoxicating!"

The second, for Purina's Beggin' strips, features a handsome golden retriever. He awakens from a nap to the smell of bacon. Sniff, sniff, nose in the air. The dog bolts through the house, knocking over toys, disturbing Dad and generally running roughshod through every room in his singleminded quest. Finally, he finds Mom, who bestows the bacon. After swallowing it whole, the retriever jumps up, licks her on the face and says, "I love you."

These commercials have given me some ideas. Perhaps for my next date I should fry some bacon and dab the fat behind my ears. Or carry some in my pocketbook so I can slip it into my date's sandwich if things aren't looking promising. These methods are sure to get a male of some species panting.